009 : Marriage in Early Motherhood
In this episode we jump into a juicy topic! We get real and raw with you, giving you a glimpse into what our marriages looked like pre-baby, post-baby in the first few weeks of postpartum, and what they currently look like now. We want to invite you in on a deep conversation between us so that we can encourage you if you are walking through any of these seasons of life. We get serious on some never-talked-about topics as well as how to keep your marriage on fire in the newborn stage, and what finding joy in this new season can and should look like. So, if this is a season you plan to walk through, are currently walking in, or have lived through and you just want someone to resonate with the raw truth of postpartum marriage, this episode will absolutely encourage you.
maddie and kait explore an often ignored topic: marriage in early motherhood.
kait opens the discussion by discussing what her and hunter’s marriage looked like pre=baby, what she refers to as the “good ‘ole days'.” Kaitlin explains that she and her husband were together for five years before getting married, and married for two and a half years before they had beckett—so their lives were in a routine and were quite settled together. Kaitlin shares that having a baby shifted their perspective on what their marriage looked like before and showed them how selfish they could be at times.
maddie also talks about what she and her husband, shaun’s, marriage looked like before having a baby. this month marks four years of marriage for maddie and shaun, which means they were married for three years before they had a baby, so pretty similar to kaitlin and hunter.
maddie explains that her marriage before keegan looked a lot like kaitlin and hunter’s did—it was easy going and full of fun and life and just embracing the love of one another.
kaitlin explains that before she had a baby she was worried that having one would change the love she and her husband had for one another and alter their relationship, but that fear quickly diminished after having their child.
being a new parent is a learning process, and it is easy to turn on your spouse in the midst of parenting for the first (or second, or third, or fourth) time. maddie shares that when keegan was first born she quickly gave herself a pep talk that she would not keep tabs on what shaun did for the baby compared to what she did or visa versa because it does no good for anyone, it only contributes to an already stressful, emotional, and frustrating situation,.
it is easy to get in the cycle of feeling un-loved or under-appreciated as a new mom, especially in the middle of the night when you are running on fumes, but there is a lot of beauty in sharing those moments with your spouse and learning to navigate them if you choose to put more energy into caring for your baby together, as partners, instead of pining against one another and caring for your baby as individuals.
maddie discusses how in the beginning of being a parent she was unprepared for how much she would miss having just she and shaun. she goes on to explain that even though he spent three weeks at home with her when keegan was first born, once he went back to work she remembers just desperately missing him and the closeness they had together before the baby was born.
but then, as time moved on, maddie began to fall in love with watching shaun become a dad and navigating that role so well, and she found a new respect for the small moments in life for their family.
loving your spouse means looking forward to your child going to bed so you can spend time together, even if that means just sitting in the same room together and not speaking—and that is okay.
the early stages of parenting are hard on marriages and feels like it is never going to end, but it does; and you find a new appreciation for your spouse and your marriage and there puts a little spark back into things.
kaitlin shifts the conversation to talking about things she has learned about hunter as he learns to be a father and how fun it has been. kait shares that there have been countless times that hunter has gotten up in the middle of the night and made kaitlin sleep, or cleaned the house so she had one less thing to do. hunter stepped up and started loving kaitlin even harder as they both love on beckett, and that gave kaitlin even more respect and appreciation for her husband.
maddie says that her husband has never been hotter than he is as a dad.
the conversation then transitions into talking about the postpartum body and how maddie and kait’s husbands didn’t hold expectations for how their bodies “Should look” post baby. both hunter and shaun still found their wives sexy even with stretch marks or c-section scars. this love from your husband of your postpartum body brings so much joy to women and creates an even deeper connection between you and your husband, you just have to embrace the love he gives you and your body after the baby is here.
maddie: if you are in a season of your marriage that just doesn’t look like what you expected, or your husband is not present, or you are a single mom., or you just are feeling that pressure to bounce back; i wan to encourage you that where you are at right now is beautiful and you do not need pressure to get back to a certain size right now. you carried a baby for nine months. your body changed for nine months. it is still changing, and then you birthed a human… go freaking you!! you deserve the freedom to just soak in that”
whatever season of life you are in, maddie and kait express that they would love to walk through it with you.
and shout out to single moms—you are freaking rock stars and we are all so dang proud of you, seriously.
to close out this week’s episode, maddie and kait share some ways that they work to deepen their marriage and re-light that pre-baby spark:
work together—serve, love, and communicate together. there is no room for selfishness in your marriage when it comes to postpartum marriage.
give your baby a healthy marriage to watch. no one is perfect, but you want your baby to see what a beautiful marriage looks like.
communicate: sit down and be honest with one another.
your marriage needs to be first next to the lord.
be intentional in your marriage. swallow your pride and look for the good in your marriage.
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Thank you SO much for being here. We hope you leave today feeling more encouraged than you were when you started listening and like you are a welcome part of this community— because you ARE.If you want to connect with us and other listeners in the Refined Sisterhood community, join our Facebook group here.
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Music : Better Than Life by Oliver Dodge