007 : Facing Seasons of Loneliness
in today’s episode, co-hosts maddie and kait tackle the topic of loneliness. in this in-depth conversation between friends, the two share their own examples of seasons of loneliness they have walked through and explore what they realized after that the lord was doing. furthermore, maddie and kait also share tips on how to approach loneliness and ways to combat it some. to round out the discussion, the hosts share resources with readers on how to get in touch with them, but they also discuss a community on facebook that is a safe space for all women to seek out relationships, or just vent openly, without judgement, in the privacy of restricted group.
bEFORE DIVING INTO THE EPISODE, MADDIE AND KAIT BOTH SHARE HOW THEY ARE DOING. MADDIE expresses THAT SHE IS FEELIGN WEIRD, AND THAT IT HAS BEEN A WEIRD DAY BECAUSE NOTHING IS GOING WELL IN TERMS OF TECHNOLOGY BUT THEY ARE DETERMINED TO GET THROUGH THE EPISODE. Kaitlin shares that she is feeling very tired and a little delirious because her son has been getting up at 5AM every morning.
kaitlin opens the discussion on loneliness by expressing that she and maddie’s hope for the episode is that the conversation will provide some comfort to all of women who experience a season of loneliness.
To guide the conversation around loneliness, kaitlin shares some things that can trigger loneliness such as changes in relationships, your job, or other big life changes in general. another thing that can cause a season of loneliness is holding ourselves to an unrealistic standard and constantly comparing ourselves to other people. BUT, ONE OF THE HARDEST SEASONS OF LONELINESS DOES NOT COME FROM WORLDY SHIFTS OR CHANGES, THEY COME FROM THE FATHER. KAITLIN SHARES THAT THE SEASONS OF LONELINESS THAT ARE THE MOST SHOCKING ARE THE ONES THAT GOD INTENDS FOR US TO BE LONELY FOR A REASON THAT ONLY HE KNOWS.
MADDIE AND KAIT THEN GO ON TO SHIFT THE CONVERSATION TOWARDS SEASONS OF LONELINESS THAT THEY HAVE EACH EXPERIENCED AND WHAT THEY LEARNED THROUGH THOSE SEASONS.
MADDIE TALKS ABOUT HOW EXPERIENCING GETTING OLDER BY GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL AND GOING TO COLLEGE OFTEN CAUSES LONELINESS, AS WELL AS SOCIAL MEDIA—WHICH IS A BIG TRIGGER OF LONELINESS TO MADDIE. mADDIE DISCUSSES HOW WE ONLY SEE PEOPLE’S HIGHLIGHT REAL ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND LOOKING BACK NOW SHE CAN SEE MANY INSTANCES IN WHICH SOCIAL MEDIA MADE HER FEEL LONELY BUT SHE CAN NOW SEE WHAT GOD WAS DOING.
SEASONS OF LONELINESS ARE WHEN GOD DOES A LOT OF REFINING—AS MADDIE SAYS IN THIS EPISODE: “SOMETIMES THE LORD HAS TO COMPLETELY BREAK YOU DOWN TO REVEAL SOMETHING TO YOU.”
KAITLIN TALKS ABOUT A SEASON OF LONELINESS THAT SHE WENT THROUGH IN THE SPRING OF 2020 WHERE SHE REMEMBERS FEELING REALLY DISCONNECTED FROM HER FRIENDS AND LIFE IN GENERAL. IN THAT SEASON, KAITLIN SHARES THAT SHE WOULD REACH OUT TO MADDIE AND EXPRESS THAT SHE WANTED MORE FRIENDS AND SHE NOW RECOGNIZES THAT THE LORD WAS DRIVING HER INTO A SEASON OF LONELINESS THAT HE HAS A PURPOSE FOR. AT THE TIME, MADDIE WAS HER ONLY BEST FRIEND THAT LIVED LOCALLY AND KAIT SHARES THAT SHE NEEDED SOMEONE TO FILL THE VOID OF HER LONLINESS THAT THE LORD HAD PUT THERE FOR HIM TO FILL HIMSELF. AFTER SOME TIME IN THAT SEASON KAITLIN BEGAN TO REALLY pursue THE LORD AND SHE BEGAN TO REALIZE THAT THE LORD WAS USING HER AND SHE COULD FEEL SOMETHING COMING, AND HE WAS BREAKING HER DOWN IN ORDER TO REVEAL THAT TO HER.
LATER ON, KAITLIN CAME FACE-TO-FACE WITH WHAT THE LORD WAS PREPARING HER FOR AND SHE CAME OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF IT, JUST BEFORE HE REVELADED TO HER THAT SHE WAS ALSO GOING TO BE A MOM.
MADDE SHARES THAT SOMETIMES GOD LEADS US INTO LONELINESS IN ORDER TO STRIP US AWAY FROM WHATEVER IS DISTRACTING US FROM HIM.
MADDIE THEN PROVIDES HER OWN PERSONAL EXAMPLE OF WHEN SHE EXPERIENCED LONELINESS, WHICH WAS WHEN SHE STEPPED INTO MOTHERHOOD. MADDIE WAS THE FIRST OUT OF ALL OF HER AND HER HUSBAND’S FRIENDS TO HAVE KIDS AND THAT SEASON WAS VERY DIFFERENT BECACUSE NONE OF THEIR FRIENDS COULD SYMPATHIZE WITH THEM because they had not yet been there.
through the process of not only learning to be a mom, but learning how to do it seemingly alone because of the overwhelming loneliness, the lord began to reveal himself to maddie through the loneliness.
maddie shares that in that season she can remember walking through her house with worship music on, watering her plants, just crying because she loved being a mom to her son, but it was different and it was hard.
kaitlin: “I DEFINITELY THINK THAT SEASONS OF LONELINESS HELP US GET TO A POINT WHERE WE ARE A COMPLETELY NEW PERSON. AND LONELINESS LEADS TO NEW THINGS. AND IT SUCKS BECAUSE IN THE MOMENT YOU HATE IT… BUT WHEN YOU REALLY TRY TO GROW AND PURSUE AND JUST LET THE LORD IN ON YOUR FEELINGS THEN A FEW MONTHS LATER YOU LOOK BACK AND ARE LIKE ‘OH, NOW I SEE WHAT HE IS DOING.’’
AFTER WALKING THROUGH THESE EXAMPLES OF LONELINESS IN THE PERSONAL LIVES OF OUR CO-HOSTS, MADDIE AND KAIT THEN SHARE WITH LISTENERS SOME TIPS ON DEALING WITH LONELINESS.
VERBALIZE IT.
ANYTHING THAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH, TALKING ABOUT IT TO SOMEONE, WHOEVER YOU CAN AND ARE COMFORTABLE WITH TELLING, CAN DO WONDERS. VERBALIZING MAKES YOU FEEL SO MUCH BETTER BY JUST CONNECTING WITH SOMEONE.
embrace THE CHANGES IN REALTIONSHIPS.
embrace that when things happen in life, relationships are going to change, whether you’re going to college for the first time, or becoming a mom, or getting married, relationships are going to shift in these seasons.
let go of unrealistic expectations.
social media creates a lot of unrealistic expectations for women and the fact of the matter is, it is all just a highlight real of the best moments in people’s live. we don’t see the raw, real versions of people on social media for the most part, we only see what people want us to and they can create any illusion they want to appear a certain way to their followers.
seek help from a professional
if you need a therapist, and you think it would help, do not be embarrassed to embrace that. even if it isn’t a therapist, maybe just a woman in your church or a woman who is older than you and in a completely different season of life, or maybe has just already walked through the season you are currently in. it is okay to seek help, it is something you should proudly do to better your mental health.
To wrap up this heavy discussion on loneliness, maddie and kait share some affirmations and truths for listeners to know and believe.
Even if you feel lonely, you are not alone.
you are enough.
your loneliness does not define you.
you are so loved and seen..
you are doing a dang good job.
Maddie shares that on the refined sisterhood’s website there is a section for prayer requests where they would love to pray for listeners, but that it is also a good way to get in touch with both maddie and kait more quickly so they can walk through seasons with you.
the site can be accessed here: https://www.therefinedsisterhood.com/contact
kaitlin shares that the refined sisterhood has a Facebook page that is a safe space for women and a great way to get in touch with other listeners who may be able to relate to the seasons you are in. to join this page, click the link below and request to join.
refined sisterhood facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/therefinedsisterhood/
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Thank you SO much for being here. We hope you leave today feeling more encouraged than you were when you started listening and like you are a welcome part of this community— because you ARE.If you want to connect with us and other listeners in the Refined Sisterhood community, join our Facebook group here.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/therefinedsisterhood/
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Music : Better Than Life by Oliver Dodge