Confrontation in Truth & Love
Author: Tanner Reuss
Matthew 18:15-17
Have you ever had a conflict that you weren’t quite sure how to navigate?
If you answered yes, (which, i’m sure you did because we’ve all been there) me too, friend. The truth is that life is really messy — love & relationships are really messy and they are a lot of work to maintain. We are all uniquely created and that’s a beautiful tangible piece of God’s handiwork, but it also means we have the ability to respond to things in different ways, have different personality types and sets of beliefs. We even sin differently. With all our differences, it’s easy for conflict to arise. It’s easy for us to hurt each other. Today, i’m going to talk about the biblical foundation of confrontation in love and truth.
Confrontation in love is a Biblical Foundation
According to the dictionary, confrontation means: a hostile or argumentative meeting or situation between opposing parties. The key word here is hostile. Biblical confrontation is actually the opposite of hostile; it simply addresses issues, sin, misunderstanding, hurt feelings, etc. I believe God’s design for confrontation goes hand in hand with our need to have and be involved in community, but also have relationships with open communication. The teachings of Jesus provide evidence of how we as believers should interact with each other including when conflict clouds our vision.
The most popular verse we relate this to is Matthew 18:15-17, where Jesus tells us: "If your brother sins against you, go and confront him privately. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, regard him as you would a pagan or a tax collector." This verse is so popular because of all that it holds within it; highlighting principles of confrontation in love and truth and what it should look like; love, humility, mutual respect, honesty, forgiveness, and reconciliation.
Why Biblical Confrontation is Important
I could talk about hundreds of examples in my own life where confrontation could’ve been handled so so differently if I had just yielded to the Holy Spirit and allowed Him to work through me instead of taking things into my own hands. There have been countless relationships lost and arguments that never had to happen. I think this is the reality for so many of us. We let anger cloud our vision instead of taking a deep breath, resulting is unforgiveness, resentment, and anger. This is why biblical confrontation matters, friend. Without it, we are bound by our hurt feelings, conflicts, and misunderstandings. Here are a few things to remember when conflict arises.
Principles of Confrontation in Love & Truth
It should always be done in a place of love and care and concern for a person’s spiritual health. It is important that we are self-aware and humble as we address the faults of people we love. (Galatians 6)
Truth & honesty are a vital part of confrontation in love to avoid miscommunication and misunderstanding. (Ephesians 4)
The goal of confrontation should be for forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration. It’s the most crucial piece of the process in order to move forward. (Colossians 3)
Ultimately, confrontation should never be done without prayer and the guidance of the Lord. James 1 encourages us that if we lack wisdom to ask God for it and He will give it to us. It’s important that we don’t rely on our own wisdom, but instead lean on the wisdom of the Father when confrontation is handled.
Closing
In closing, i want to remind you that the goal of confrontation should be a return to peace and unity and should never be to cast someone down or make them feel small or embarassed. It’s a vital piece of maintaining healthy christian community and keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus and spiritual growth. We here at TRS hope that wherever you are in your walk or journey through confrontation, you seek wisdom from the Father and yield to the spirit for guidance through the process. We are believing for restoration in your relationship and life, friend. We love you!